Whew! An easier dare, only because we had to establish rules a long time ago. We started our marriage with the idea that we would never go to sleep angry and for the most part we’ve kept that rule but it didn’t stop us from making our fights more intense. Our fights use to be very loud and very fierce. It was a matter of survival to change how we fought.
Our rules are very similar to the rules in the Love Dare book but they work for us.
1. Never say never and never say always.
2. Make sure you are straightforward about what the issue is.
3. Don’t hold it in until it explodes.
My personal rules are as simple: I’m not going to make my husband think like I do so don’t try to change him. Instead I tell him directly what I’m upset about and what I need him to do. I also try not to shout but I’m not always good at keeping that one.
As long as we live, my husband and I will have disagreements but that’s what makes life interesting. It isn’t a “you won, I lost” battle but a way of expressing our differences. When you love your spouse you celebrate the compromises.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Day #12 - Love lets the other win
Here’s the rub. This is the one area that I struggle with. I know that God has assigned the man as the head of the house but I don’t always agree with my husband. I got married after I had already started a successful career and an independent life. As much as I try to do God’s will I still fight the urge to take over control and to be honest sometimes my husband lets me get away with it.
I love to go on mission trips. It’s a great way to feel like I’m doing something for others who truly need the help. My husband is not a traveler so to him any traveling is worrisome. This time I wanted to go with my daughter to Mexico with our church group. I knew if I prayed and gave my husband loads of information he would cave in and be ok with us going. Then I read Dare #12. I told him I needed to leave the decision to him whether we went or not. He had already decided that he didn’t want us to go no matter what.
This time I had no great surprise with a wonderful feeling of joy. I’m disappointed that I can’t go but I know I obeyed God’s word. Sometimes we do things that don’t make us happy but at least we know we’re obedient. Maybe these are the toughest lessons of all.
I love to go on mission trips. It’s a great way to feel like I’m doing something for others who truly need the help. My husband is not a traveler so to him any traveling is worrisome. This time I wanted to go with my daughter to Mexico with our church group. I knew if I prayed and gave my husband loads of information he would cave in and be ok with us going. Then I read Dare #12. I told him I needed to leave the decision to him whether we went or not. He had already decided that he didn’t want us to go no matter what.
This time I had no great surprise with a wonderful feeling of joy. I’m disappointed that I can’t go but I know I obeyed God’s word. Sometimes we do things that don’t make us happy but at least we know we’re obedient. Maybe these are the toughest lessons of all.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Day #11 - Love cherishes
This dare was a tough one. My husband’s work environment is very stressful. After a bad day at work he came home and immediately got upset with me over something I had done. Of course I was hurt so it made it hard to “cherish him”. I didn’t give up and had to remember what it felt like to be in a difficult situation. I tried to put aside how I felt to see how he was struggling. The tears for me passed and I began to see his pain.
It took some time to think of something that would show him how I cherish him. I figured out the perfect gift… chocolate. Don’t most problems look better after a medicinal piece of chocolate? I purchased peanut clusters and dark chocolate covered cashews. I put them in a box covered with hearts. I delivered the box to his office!
What a surprise for him. I added a card that explained how I loved him and understood how he was having a hard time. He said it made his whole day. I could feel his mood change. He even promised to bring some chocolate home for me.
It took some time to think of something that would show him how I cherish him. I figured out the perfect gift… chocolate. Don’t most problems look better after a medicinal piece of chocolate? I purchased peanut clusters and dark chocolate covered cashews. I put them in a box covered with hearts. I delivered the box to his office!
What a surprise for him. I added a card that explained how I loved him and understood how he was having a hard time. He said it made his whole day. I could feel his mood change. He even promised to bring some chocolate home for me.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Day #10 - Love is unconditional
There was a time when my husband and I were on the path to divorce. We just couldn’t see how we would ever work out our differences. I prayed to God that I didn’t love my husband so if the Lord wanted me to stay with him then God would need to help me. What I was really saying was God needed to change him. What a mistake! God convicted me so that I changed and I began to see how God loves me no matter what.
Fortunately, my husband and I recommitted our lives to our marriage and I’m so glad we did. Even so I need to remember to show unconditional love. My husband is extremely messy. His counter in the bathroom is always piled high with the remnants of his pockets, mail, shampoo, receipts, etc. He knows how frustrated I get with the mess but it’s tough to know what needs to be kept and what needs to be tossed.
I could buy him gifts, I could make him an exotic meal, or I could take him on a dream vacation but nothing shows unconditional love to my husband than for me to take time to clean off that counter. Whew! I must really love him.
Fortunately, my husband and I recommitted our lives to our marriage and I’m so glad we did. Even so I need to remember to show unconditional love. My husband is extremely messy. His counter in the bathroom is always piled high with the remnants of his pockets, mail, shampoo, receipts, etc. He knows how frustrated I get with the mess but it’s tough to know what needs to be kept and what needs to be tossed.
I could buy him gifts, I could make him an exotic meal, or I could take him on a dream vacation but nothing shows unconditional love to my husband than for me to take time to clean off that counter. Whew! I must really love him.
Day #9 - Love makes good impressions
This dare was harder than I thought it would be because it’s so deliberate. My husband and I talk all through the day so greeting him was something very common. It was not until I noticed his reaction one morning as he was heading off to work did I truly understand what this dare was all about.
My husband wakes me up every morning before he goes to work. Sometimes it’s early but sometimes it’s just before he leaves. Either way I am out of bed before he leaves the house. That doesn’t mean I take the time to talk to him in the morning. This particular morning, I walked out with him to the car and told him to be careful because I want him home in the evening. He put a smile on his face and promised me he would be careful. His whole day went better and he seemed happier.
I think it’s worth it to take the time to send my husband off to work each day with a reassurance that I want him home tonight. Sure makes the evenings nicer.
My husband wakes me up every morning before he goes to work. Sometimes it’s early but sometimes it’s just before he leaves. Either way I am out of bed before he leaves the house. That doesn’t mean I take the time to talk to him in the morning. This particular morning, I walked out with him to the car and told him to be careful because I want him home in the evening. He put a smile on his face and promised me he would be careful. His whole day went better and he seemed happier.
I think it’s worth it to take the time to send my husband off to work each day with a reassurance that I want him home tonight. Sure makes the evenings nicer.
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