Wow! How much better the day goes with a good dose of God’s Word. I’m probably repeating myself from yesterday but there is so much to gain by a few moments with God. The more time you spend in the Bible the more you want to devour more of it.
I’m doing a study of Hebrews and my husband and I are doing a study of Ecclesiastes. The study in Hebrews is teaching me to focus on faith and giving me reassurance that only through faith do we become closer to Christ. The Ecclesiastes study is teaching me to be happy where I am without worrying about tomorrow. Surprisingly they complement each other so easily. My next goal is to try to do a study of Deuteronomy with my husband and daughter. It will be family time well spent.
I take great comfort in my Lord’s words and know that they will see me through the toughest time. My marriage is better because I understand God’s plan for a husband and wife. If I had never opened the Bible I would still be struggling against the nature of God.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Day #20 - Love is Jesus Christ
How can I compare my love with the love God has for me by giving His only son to die a horrible death to ensure my future, but that’s what He did for me. Even though I’ve been a Christian a very long time I still need to be reminded from time to time that a great sacrifice was made to save me from certain death. The only way to be reminded of that fact is to get into the Word of God.
I know from experience that my days go much better when I take the time to read and study God’s word. There’s so much to learn and I am constantly learning about something new or a different way of looking at things. I enjoy bible studies because they help me be consistent about study but sometimes it is just opening the Bible and reading. It’s a great time to go over things and put my life in perspective. It certainly helps me focus on what’s important.
This was an easy dare but one that I appreciate being reminded to do.
I know from experience that my days go much better when I take the time to read and study God’s word. There’s so much to learn and I am constantly learning about something new or a different way of looking at things. I enjoy bible studies because they help me be consistent about study but sometimes it is just opening the Bible and reading. It’s a great time to go over things and put my life in perspective. It certainly helps me focus on what’s important.
This was an easy dare but one that I appreciate being reminded to do.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Day #19 - Love is Impossible
Over the past few years my walk with the Lord has become stronger and stronger but I wasn’t always in the right place with the Lord. It’s so easy to have outside influences take over your mind and heart. Once I recognized my weaknesses I had to commit to moving in a different direction. Things didn’t change overnight and it wasn’t easy. Of course it’s never on my time schedule but on God’s.
Twelve years ago I was convinced that I was not in love with my husband anymore. I prayed for God help me get away from this person. Fortunately I talked to a strong Christian friend who reassured me that God could do anything. So instead of focusing on how I could get out of my marriage I prayed for God to work on my heart. I told Him I had nothing to give so if God wanted me to stay in this marriage it would take some major changes in me.
Surprise, surprise, I can’t tell you when things changed but slowly they did and I must admit that I love my husband more today than the day we got married. I know that God put us together and now I have no regrets. And yes I have moments when I would like to deck him for some mean or ridiculous thing he may say or do but I love him and wouldn’t give him up for the world.
Twelve years ago I was convinced that I was not in love with my husband anymore. I prayed for God help me get away from this person. Fortunately I talked to a strong Christian friend who reassured me that God could do anything. So instead of focusing on how I could get out of my marriage I prayed for God to work on my heart. I told Him I had nothing to give so if God wanted me to stay in this marriage it would take some major changes in me.
Surprise, surprise, I can’t tell you when things changed but slowly they did and I must admit that I love my husband more today than the day we got married. I know that God put us together and now I have no regrets. And yes I have moments when I would like to deck him for some mean or ridiculous thing he may say or do but I love him and wouldn’t give him up for the world.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Day #18 - Love seeks to understand
Getting my husband to focus on dinner for just the two of us is tough. It took me a week to get him to commit to a night and time. Our daughter had a sleep over so we had plenty of time to spend together. Talking is something he struggles with and to share his own personal thoughts are very rare. Sometimes its not what you say but how you listen to others that count the most.
The food was great and my husband was delighted that I put so much effort into it. The fun part was just being able to talk about silly things. I didn't learn a lot of new things about him but I did have fun just talking about our daughter, his childhood (which he normally never talks about) and especially things we could do together. I learned that little boys have different issues growing up than girls do. Even with two brothers I learned things about guys I never knew. We could laugh and relax just being together.
We will definitely plan an evening just the two of us again. We decided it was worth it because our daughter will not be with us forever and soon we'll have lots of time to talk so we better practice now. I think the dinner helped me understand that if I listen I'll discover a lot more about my husband than I thought I knew. Sometimes you need it to be very quiet to hear the music in your heart.
The food was great and my husband was delighted that I put so much effort into it. The fun part was just being able to talk about silly things. I didn't learn a lot of new things about him but I did have fun just talking about our daughter, his childhood (which he normally never talks about) and especially things we could do together. I learned that little boys have different issues growing up than girls do. Even with two brothers I learned things about guys I never knew. We could laugh and relax just being together.
We will definitely plan an evening just the two of us again. We decided it was worth it because our daughter will not be with us forever and soon we'll have lots of time to talk so we better practice now. I think the dinner helped me understand that if I listen I'll discover a lot more about my husband than I thought I knew. Sometimes you need it to be very quiet to hear the music in your heart.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Day #17 - Love promotes intimacy
Sometimes my husband just doesn’t get me. After all he’s a guy and guys just aren’t usually in to sharing extremely personal thoughts. I like to talk about the important things (in my opinion) like how I feel or what I want to accomplish in my life. My husband isn’t much for talking to begin with so sharing is always difficult. If it’s sports then he is all talk. Anything deeper than what our next vacation is going to be is the limit.
I do know what makes my husband cry (he’s done it three times since we’ve been married) and I know what he fears the most (I’ll go to my grave holding on to that secret). But sometimes it’s healthy even in a good marriage to take time to review the hopes, fears and dreams of your spouse which is what I chose to do. What surprised me was how he reacted. He actually shared some things that told me he truly trusts me. I reassured him I was his most vocal cheerleader. I even made him laugh.
I’m beginning to understand how a husband and wife can become one mind. Not because I don’t have my own opinions but because his concerns are my concerns and his successes become my successes. He is my most vocal cheerleader. Some of things I complain about the most have become a lot less important as long as we can continue to communicate.
I do know what makes my husband cry (he’s done it three times since we’ve been married) and I know what he fears the most (I’ll go to my grave holding on to that secret). But sometimes it’s healthy even in a good marriage to take time to review the hopes, fears and dreams of your spouse which is what I chose to do. What surprised me was how he reacted. He actually shared some things that told me he truly trusts me. I reassured him I was his most vocal cheerleader. I even made him laugh.
I’m beginning to understand how a husband and wife can become one mind. Not because I don’t have my own opinions but because his concerns are my concerns and his successes become my successes. He is my most vocal cheerleader. Some of things I complain about the most have become a lot less important as long as we can continue to communicate.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Day #16 - Love intercedes
There is no greater tool God gives us than prayer. I wish I could say I pray for my husband everyday but I don’t but I do pray for him regularly. Since we had marital issues I have prayed for him. Most of the time it’s for strength to lead our family. Sometimes I pray for wisdom for him and me. Sometimes it can be as simple as Dear Lord, help my husband see that I need him. Most of all I pray to lead us both to a stronger marriage.
Our next step is to try to pray together. My husband was raised in the Catholic Church so outward show of spirituality is very foreign to him. He knows how important prayer is. In fact, when I have a difficult issue to deal with I ask him to pray for me. So it seems only natural that we should pray together. He’s willing but it takes setting aside some quiet, private time for us to do that.
It’s been fun seeing how much my husband has grown in his walk with the Lord. I know that prayer for him helps the process. Hopefully we can continue to grow as prayer partners because I know that will make our marriage stronger.
Our next step is to try to pray together. My husband was raised in the Catholic Church so outward show of spirituality is very foreign to him. He knows how important prayer is. In fact, when I have a difficult issue to deal with I ask him to pray for me. So it seems only natural that we should pray together. He’s willing but it takes setting aside some quiet, private time for us to do that.
It’s been fun seeing how much my husband has grown in his walk with the Lord. I know that prayer for him helps the process. Hopefully we can continue to grow as prayer partners because I know that will make our marriage stronger.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Day #15 - Love is honorable
Kids complicate everything! My husband and I would live a pretty simple life without our daughter. However, I can’t thing of a greater joy in life than sharing life with a child. I know this is an odd start to a dare about honor but it was the best way to show my husband respect and honor.
My daughter is always testing the limits of our patience. She knows how to maneuver around us to get what she wants. Sometimes this backfires. Today she wanted to go have fun with some friends but she hadn’t been honest about homework. I immediately cancelled the fun and took her cell phone away. I told my husband as he was heading home what she had done but didn’t tell him I already punished her. Unfortunately, he came in and immediately let her have it.
She told her dad that I had already punished her. My husband was very upset he had given her double doses of what I had already given. I had to apologize for my error. I admitted to him that I had dishonored him by not consulting him before I took action. I told our daughter that Dad was the head of this house and my husband who I honor with obedience. I made a mistake by not giving him all the information he needed to deal with the situation. He was so impressed that I would point that out to our daughter. It may be an indirect way of showing honor but the message came through loud and clear.
My daughter is always testing the limits of our patience. She knows how to maneuver around us to get what she wants. Sometimes this backfires. Today she wanted to go have fun with some friends but she hadn’t been honest about homework. I immediately cancelled the fun and took her cell phone away. I told my husband as he was heading home what she had done but didn’t tell him I already punished her. Unfortunately, he came in and immediately let her have it.
She told her dad that I had already punished her. My husband was very upset he had given her double doses of what I had already given. I had to apologize for my error. I admitted to him that I had dishonored him by not consulting him before I took action. I told our daughter that Dad was the head of this house and my husband who I honor with obedience. I made a mistake by not giving him all the information he needed to deal with the situation. He was so impressed that I would point that out to our daughter. It may be an indirect way of showing honor but the message came through loud and clear.
Day #14 - Love takes delight
I have not been the best at keeping up with my blog. I apologize to anyone who’s following but it’s hard to fit it all in. We live such busy lives that it’s hard to think about passing on something productive to “have fun” but what a treat to do just that. I like focusing on my husband but I’m determined to get it all done.
We have work days at home where we plan to do projects that we’ve been putting off. In the back of my mind I wanted to get some of my honey-dos done but on this Saturday it was more important to help my husband than to work on my list. We spent most of the day trimming fruit trees. He wants my opinion before he starts whacking away at the branches. Not my idea of fun but I knew it was important to him. To my surprise it was nice to spend the time working on something together.
I discovered that sometimes all my husband really needs to be motivated is a little bit of help. We didn’t get it all done but that was all it took for him to continue the next day cleaning up the mess without me being right there. Everyone deserves encouragement
I also discovered that I like working with him on a project. It shouldn’t be difficult to arrange the next project together since I still have that honey-do list.
We have work days at home where we plan to do projects that we’ve been putting off. In the back of my mind I wanted to get some of my honey-dos done but on this Saturday it was more important to help my husband than to work on my list. We spent most of the day trimming fruit trees. He wants my opinion before he starts whacking away at the branches. Not my idea of fun but I knew it was important to him. To my surprise it was nice to spend the time working on something together.
I discovered that sometimes all my husband really needs to be motivated is a little bit of help. We didn’t get it all done but that was all it took for him to continue the next day cleaning up the mess without me being right there. Everyone deserves encouragement
I also discovered that I like working with him on a project. It shouldn’t be difficult to arrange the next project together since I still have that honey-do list.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Day #13 - Love fights fair
Whew! An easier dare, only because we had to establish rules a long time ago. We started our marriage with the idea that we would never go to sleep angry and for the most part we’ve kept that rule but it didn’t stop us from making our fights more intense. Our fights use to be very loud and very fierce. It was a matter of survival to change how we fought.
Our rules are very similar to the rules in the Love Dare book but they work for us.
1. Never say never and never say always.
2. Make sure you are straightforward about what the issue is.
3. Don’t hold it in until it explodes.
My personal rules are as simple: I’m not going to make my husband think like I do so don’t try to change him. Instead I tell him directly what I’m upset about and what I need him to do. I also try not to shout but I’m not always good at keeping that one.
As long as we live, my husband and I will have disagreements but that’s what makes life interesting. It isn’t a “you won, I lost” battle but a way of expressing our differences. When you love your spouse you celebrate the compromises.
Our rules are very similar to the rules in the Love Dare book but they work for us.
1. Never say never and never say always.
2. Make sure you are straightforward about what the issue is.
3. Don’t hold it in until it explodes.
My personal rules are as simple: I’m not going to make my husband think like I do so don’t try to change him. Instead I tell him directly what I’m upset about and what I need him to do. I also try not to shout but I’m not always good at keeping that one.
As long as we live, my husband and I will have disagreements but that’s what makes life interesting. It isn’t a “you won, I lost” battle but a way of expressing our differences. When you love your spouse you celebrate the compromises.
Day #12 - Love lets the other win
Here’s the rub. This is the one area that I struggle with. I know that God has assigned the man as the head of the house but I don’t always agree with my husband. I got married after I had already started a successful career and an independent life. As much as I try to do God’s will I still fight the urge to take over control and to be honest sometimes my husband lets me get away with it.
I love to go on mission trips. It’s a great way to feel like I’m doing something for others who truly need the help. My husband is not a traveler so to him any traveling is worrisome. This time I wanted to go with my daughter to Mexico with our church group. I knew if I prayed and gave my husband loads of information he would cave in and be ok with us going. Then I read Dare #12. I told him I needed to leave the decision to him whether we went or not. He had already decided that he didn’t want us to go no matter what.
This time I had no great surprise with a wonderful feeling of joy. I’m disappointed that I can’t go but I know I obeyed God’s word. Sometimes we do things that don’t make us happy but at least we know we’re obedient. Maybe these are the toughest lessons of all.
I love to go on mission trips. It’s a great way to feel like I’m doing something for others who truly need the help. My husband is not a traveler so to him any traveling is worrisome. This time I wanted to go with my daughter to Mexico with our church group. I knew if I prayed and gave my husband loads of information he would cave in and be ok with us going. Then I read Dare #12. I told him I needed to leave the decision to him whether we went or not. He had already decided that he didn’t want us to go no matter what.
This time I had no great surprise with a wonderful feeling of joy. I’m disappointed that I can’t go but I know I obeyed God’s word. Sometimes we do things that don’t make us happy but at least we know we’re obedient. Maybe these are the toughest lessons of all.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Day #11 - Love cherishes
This dare was a tough one. My husband’s work environment is very stressful. After a bad day at work he came home and immediately got upset with me over something I had done. Of course I was hurt so it made it hard to “cherish him”. I didn’t give up and had to remember what it felt like to be in a difficult situation. I tried to put aside how I felt to see how he was struggling. The tears for me passed and I began to see his pain.
It took some time to think of something that would show him how I cherish him. I figured out the perfect gift… chocolate. Don’t most problems look better after a medicinal piece of chocolate? I purchased peanut clusters and dark chocolate covered cashews. I put them in a box covered with hearts. I delivered the box to his office!
What a surprise for him. I added a card that explained how I loved him and understood how he was having a hard time. He said it made his whole day. I could feel his mood change. He even promised to bring some chocolate home for me.
It took some time to think of something that would show him how I cherish him. I figured out the perfect gift… chocolate. Don’t most problems look better after a medicinal piece of chocolate? I purchased peanut clusters and dark chocolate covered cashews. I put them in a box covered with hearts. I delivered the box to his office!
What a surprise for him. I added a card that explained how I loved him and understood how he was having a hard time. He said it made his whole day. I could feel his mood change. He even promised to bring some chocolate home for me.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Day #10 - Love is unconditional
There was a time when my husband and I were on the path to divorce. We just couldn’t see how we would ever work out our differences. I prayed to God that I didn’t love my husband so if the Lord wanted me to stay with him then God would need to help me. What I was really saying was God needed to change him. What a mistake! God convicted me so that I changed and I began to see how God loves me no matter what.
Fortunately, my husband and I recommitted our lives to our marriage and I’m so glad we did. Even so I need to remember to show unconditional love. My husband is extremely messy. His counter in the bathroom is always piled high with the remnants of his pockets, mail, shampoo, receipts, etc. He knows how frustrated I get with the mess but it’s tough to know what needs to be kept and what needs to be tossed.
I could buy him gifts, I could make him an exotic meal, or I could take him on a dream vacation but nothing shows unconditional love to my husband than for me to take time to clean off that counter. Whew! I must really love him.
Fortunately, my husband and I recommitted our lives to our marriage and I’m so glad we did. Even so I need to remember to show unconditional love. My husband is extremely messy. His counter in the bathroom is always piled high with the remnants of his pockets, mail, shampoo, receipts, etc. He knows how frustrated I get with the mess but it’s tough to know what needs to be kept and what needs to be tossed.
I could buy him gifts, I could make him an exotic meal, or I could take him on a dream vacation but nothing shows unconditional love to my husband than for me to take time to clean off that counter. Whew! I must really love him.
Day #9 - Love makes good impressions
This dare was harder than I thought it would be because it’s so deliberate. My husband and I talk all through the day so greeting him was something very common. It was not until I noticed his reaction one morning as he was heading off to work did I truly understand what this dare was all about.
My husband wakes me up every morning before he goes to work. Sometimes it’s early but sometimes it’s just before he leaves. Either way I am out of bed before he leaves the house. That doesn’t mean I take the time to talk to him in the morning. This particular morning, I walked out with him to the car and told him to be careful because I want him home in the evening. He put a smile on his face and promised me he would be careful. His whole day went better and he seemed happier.
I think it’s worth it to take the time to send my husband off to work each day with a reassurance that I want him home tonight. Sure makes the evenings nicer.
My husband wakes me up every morning before he goes to work. Sometimes it’s early but sometimes it’s just before he leaves. Either way I am out of bed before he leaves the house. That doesn’t mean I take the time to talk to him in the morning. This particular morning, I walked out with him to the car and told him to be careful because I want him home in the evening. He put a smile on his face and promised me he would be careful. His whole day went better and he seemed happier.
I think it’s worth it to take the time to send my husband off to work each day with a reassurance that I want him home tonight. Sure makes the evenings nicer.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Day #8 - Love is not jealous
Jealousy was something my husband and I struggled with when I worked for a major corporation. I constantly felt we were competing with each other over who had the most important job. It took a long time for me to figure out that I threatened my husband’s idea of who was head of the house.
I gave the situation over to God to help me sort out what I should do. The Lord answers prayer in ways we don’t always understand. My company sold and I was laid off! It was very hard on me because I liked to work and I had an impressive position. It wasn’t until recently that I figured out what God had planned for the two of us.
Was it hard to destroy the list of negative attributes? No way. It was easy when I remembered the past struggles and how God intervened. My husband was just told his job was eliminated but because of our love for each other we could share the news and make plans for how to survive the loss of his job. Fortunately, as usual, God has a way of taking care of us so my husband found out that he has another position waiting for him at the same company.
I gave the situation over to God to help me sort out what I should do. The Lord answers prayer in ways we don’t always understand. My company sold and I was laid off! It was very hard on me because I liked to work and I had an impressive position. It wasn’t until recently that I figured out what God had planned for the two of us.
Was it hard to destroy the list of negative attributes? No way. It was easy when I remembered the past struggles and how God intervened. My husband was just told his job was eliminated but because of our love for each other we could share the news and make plans for how to survive the loss of his job. Fortunately, as usual, God has a way of taking care of us so my husband found out that he has another position waiting for him at the same company.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Day #7 - Love believes the best
I think this was one of the easier dares. Not because I got a chance to write down my husband's faults but because we had just had a conversation about each other's strengths. Most of the time we communicate very well but we ran into a road bump with our teen aged daughter. My husband had different ideas from mine at how to approach the problem. By looking at each other's strengths we were able to come up with a solution that worked for both of us. But that's another story.
I sat down with my two sheets of paper and started with the strengths. Before I was finished I had 8 strengths listed. It was easy and quick. Then I moved to the negatives. I think I wanted to start with the strengths so that I could remember them as I thought about the negatives. I came up with 5 negatives. Call me an optimist but I would rather concentrate on the positives.
My husband would not be surprised by anything I listed on the negatives but I am more curious what my husband would write about me. Doesn't really matter since we've talked about these issues before. Oh, by the way, I told my husband that I most thanked him for loving me.
I sat down with my two sheets of paper and started with the strengths. Before I was finished I had 8 strengths listed. It was easy and quick. Then I moved to the negatives. I think I wanted to start with the strengths so that I could remember them as I thought about the negatives. I came up with 5 negatives. Call me an optimist but I would rather concentrate on the positives.
My husband would not be surprised by anything I listed on the negatives but I am more curious what my husband would write about me. Doesn't really matter since we've talked about these issues before. Oh, by the way, I told my husband that I most thanked him for loving me.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Day #6 - Love is not irritable
I try to stuff too many things into too small a time. Because of too many projects I wait until the last minute to finish projects even though I may have plenty of time initially. I'm late most of the time and my family are the ones who suffer because of it. I get tired because I try to do too much. Most of my friends will stay they can't believe I'm finally admitting it.
Starting today I will plan better, take on less and make more time for my family. It's OK not to do everything anyone asks. It's OK to say no because I don't have time. It's as easy as scheduling free time like I do a doctor's appointment. I have started to prioritize my projects so I finish them two days before they're due. If I take the time to finish a project before I start the next one then I should be able to tell others that I don't have time for more. I look around my house and see too much. I'm cleaning out the excess and eliminating the things I don't use. My husband and I have been cleaning out our closets and I found clothes that still had the tags on them. Did I really need them to begin with?
It's actually liberating to decide I don't need all the material things. I can now think about sitting long enough to read a good book.
Starting today I will plan better, take on less and make more time for my family. It's OK not to do everything anyone asks. It's OK to say no because I don't have time. It's as easy as scheduling free time like I do a doctor's appointment. I have started to prioritize my projects so I finish them two days before they're due. If I take the time to finish a project before I start the next one then I should be able to tell others that I don't have time for more. I look around my house and see too much. I'm cleaning out the excess and eliminating the things I don't use. My husband and I have been cleaning out our closets and I found clothes that still had the tags on them. Did I really need them to begin with?
It's actually liberating to decide I don't need all the material things. I can now think about sitting long enough to read a good book.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Day #5 - Love is not rude
I have always struggled with criticism. I get defensive and usually I get depressed. I was determined to do a better job this time at seeing it as an opportunity to learn something about myself and my husband. As hard as I tried I still had it in my mind what I was going to hear so it took me all day to finally ask the question.
I chose a time when my husband couldn't escape. We were in the car doing an errand. His first reaction was dread. "Why do you need to ask that question now!" My response was calm and non-threatening. "I'm just curious". He decided I wasn't going to come unglued so he proceeded. 1) Time management, waiting until the last minute to get things done or going places late is frustrating to him. 2) Communication, let him know when I'm struggling with something instead of waiting until I'm ready to explode. 3) Be healthier to help him lose weight. I can handle all of those.
I was so ready to hear that I didn't look my best or I was too critical but I was surprised at what truly mattered to him. These are things I can do and knowing it makes a difference to my husband makes it easier to do.
I chose a time when my husband couldn't escape. We were in the car doing an errand. His first reaction was dread. "Why do you need to ask that question now!" My response was calm and non-threatening. "I'm just curious". He decided I wasn't going to come unglued so he proceeded. 1) Time management, waiting until the last minute to get things done or going places late is frustrating to him. 2) Communication, let him know when I'm struggling with something instead of waiting until I'm ready to explode. 3) Be healthier to help him lose weight. I can handle all of those.
I was so ready to hear that I didn't look my best or I was too critical but I was surprised at what truly mattered to him. These are things I can do and knowing it makes a difference to my husband makes it easier to do.
Day #4 - Love is thoughtful
Even though this dare was an easy one, I still learned some valuable things. We go constantly to get everything done but taking time for our spouse can be therapeutic. Sometimes its the little things that make a big impact. And the biggest one of all, my husband is thoughtful.
Since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I make a habit of asking my husband before he goes to work in the morning if I need to do anything for him. Sometimes he asks me to do something but most of the time he says I have enough to do which is true. Today, my husband said he wanted to help me since I've been so busy lately but I told him it was his turn and so I made an appointment to take the car in that he's been trying to do for weeks. It seemed so simple but he was delighted that I would choose to help him even when I'm busy.
It's not the doing errands or chores, but the act of making time for your spouse. It's the reassurance that we're in this together and partners. I don't think I'll say "what can I do for you" in the same light again.
Since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I make a habit of asking my husband before he goes to work in the morning if I need to do anything for him. Sometimes he asks me to do something but most of the time he says I have enough to do which is true. Today, my husband said he wanted to help me since I've been so busy lately but I told him it was his turn and so I made an appointment to take the car in that he's been trying to do for weeks. It seemed so simple but he was delighted that I would choose to help him even when I'm busy.
It's not the doing errands or chores, but the act of making time for your spouse. It's the reassurance that we're in this together and partners. I don't think I'll say "what can I do for you" in the same light again.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Day #3 - Love is not selfish
I was surprised to read day 3. How do I give my husband a gift when he needs nothing and buys what he wants. A friend gave me a clue when she said "think outside the box". I did and got a gift myself.
It's that time of year when all the "big games" happen. Bowl games, playoffs, divisional, national champions, etc. It's usually a time of frustration because my husband wants to watch and the games never come at a convenient time. This year was different. What better gift to give than time. I marked every important game down on the calendar. I rearranged our schedule so that we didn't have any plans and had the snacks or meals ready to go. I even rearranged my daughter's schedule when I had a conflict. My husband watched every game, the entire game without interruption. I even took time to watch a few myself (surprised myself and my husband!).
Somehow we had a wonderful time without stress or frustration (except on the games). My husband kept saying thank you for thinking of me. I learned a valuable lesson about how we are too quick to put a dollar value on gifts. Some of the best don't cost a dime but are worth a million!
It's that time of year when all the "big games" happen. Bowl games, playoffs, divisional, national champions, etc. It's usually a time of frustration because my husband wants to watch and the games never come at a convenient time. This year was different. What better gift to give than time. I marked every important game down on the calendar. I rearranged our schedule so that we didn't have any plans and had the snacks or meals ready to go. I even rearranged my daughter's schedule when I had a conflict. My husband watched every game, the entire game without interruption. I even took time to watch a few myself (surprised myself and my husband!).
Somehow we had a wonderful time without stress or frustration (except on the games). My husband kept saying thank you for thinking of me. I learned a valuable lesson about how we are too quick to put a dollar value on gifts. Some of the best don't cost a dime but are worth a million!
Day #2 - Love is kind
The first day was so stressful that I thought day 2 would be the same but somehow it was a pleasant surprise. The most difficult thing was to come up with something to do that was kind. Not that being kind is hard but to focus on being kind to your spouse requires some effort. We get so busy with everyday life that we forget the simple acts that mean so much. It took some time but I found the perfect way.
We were getting ready to leave town for a visit to family. The trip by car is very long so it becomes very stressful to my husband who doesn't travel well. It's always a rush to get everything done in time so that we're not leaving exhausted. We're always packing at the last minute which irritates my husband. This time I decided to be kind by packing the day before. It was such a small act but with big results.
Wow! He was so impressed that I did something just for him. I didn't even need to say anything, he figured it out on his own that I did it for him and no one else. It made the trip less stressful which gave us a chance to talk about a variety of subjects that we totally enjoyed.
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