Getting my husband to focus on dinner for just the two of us is tough. It took me a week to get him to commit to a night and time. Our daughter had a sleep over so we had plenty of time to spend together. Talking is something he struggles with and to share his own personal thoughts are very rare. Sometimes its not what you say but how you listen to others that count the most.
The food was great and my husband was delighted that I put so much effort into it. The fun part was just being able to talk about silly things. I didn't learn a lot of new things about him but I did have fun just talking about our daughter, his childhood (which he normally never talks about) and especially things we could do together. I learned that little boys have different issues growing up than girls do. Even with two brothers I learned things about guys I never knew. We could laugh and relax just being together.
We will definitely plan an evening just the two of us again. We decided it was worth it because our daughter will not be with us forever and soon we'll have lots of time to talk so we better practice now. I think the dinner helped me understand that if I listen I'll discover a lot more about my husband than I thought I knew. Sometimes you need it to be very quiet to hear the music in your heart.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Day #17 - Love promotes intimacy
Sometimes my husband just doesn’t get me. After all he’s a guy and guys just aren’t usually in to sharing extremely personal thoughts. I like to talk about the important things (in my opinion) like how I feel or what I want to accomplish in my life. My husband isn’t much for talking to begin with so sharing is always difficult. If it’s sports then he is all talk. Anything deeper than what our next vacation is going to be is the limit.
I do know what makes my husband cry (he’s done it three times since we’ve been married) and I know what he fears the most (I’ll go to my grave holding on to that secret). But sometimes it’s healthy even in a good marriage to take time to review the hopes, fears and dreams of your spouse which is what I chose to do. What surprised me was how he reacted. He actually shared some things that told me he truly trusts me. I reassured him I was his most vocal cheerleader. I even made him laugh.
I’m beginning to understand how a husband and wife can become one mind. Not because I don’t have my own opinions but because his concerns are my concerns and his successes become my successes. He is my most vocal cheerleader. Some of things I complain about the most have become a lot less important as long as we can continue to communicate.
I do know what makes my husband cry (he’s done it three times since we’ve been married) and I know what he fears the most (I’ll go to my grave holding on to that secret). But sometimes it’s healthy even in a good marriage to take time to review the hopes, fears and dreams of your spouse which is what I chose to do. What surprised me was how he reacted. He actually shared some things that told me he truly trusts me. I reassured him I was his most vocal cheerleader. I even made him laugh.
I’m beginning to understand how a husband and wife can become one mind. Not because I don’t have my own opinions but because his concerns are my concerns and his successes become my successes. He is my most vocal cheerleader. Some of things I complain about the most have become a lot less important as long as we can continue to communicate.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Day #16 - Love intercedes
There is no greater tool God gives us than prayer. I wish I could say I pray for my husband everyday but I don’t but I do pray for him regularly. Since we had marital issues I have prayed for him. Most of the time it’s for strength to lead our family. Sometimes I pray for wisdom for him and me. Sometimes it can be as simple as Dear Lord, help my husband see that I need him. Most of all I pray to lead us both to a stronger marriage.
Our next step is to try to pray together. My husband was raised in the Catholic Church so outward show of spirituality is very foreign to him. He knows how important prayer is. In fact, when I have a difficult issue to deal with I ask him to pray for me. So it seems only natural that we should pray together. He’s willing but it takes setting aside some quiet, private time for us to do that.
It’s been fun seeing how much my husband has grown in his walk with the Lord. I know that prayer for him helps the process. Hopefully we can continue to grow as prayer partners because I know that will make our marriage stronger.
Our next step is to try to pray together. My husband was raised in the Catholic Church so outward show of spirituality is very foreign to him. He knows how important prayer is. In fact, when I have a difficult issue to deal with I ask him to pray for me. So it seems only natural that we should pray together. He’s willing but it takes setting aside some quiet, private time for us to do that.
It’s been fun seeing how much my husband has grown in his walk with the Lord. I know that prayer for him helps the process. Hopefully we can continue to grow as prayer partners because I know that will make our marriage stronger.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Day #15 - Love is honorable
Kids complicate everything! My husband and I would live a pretty simple life without our daughter. However, I can’t thing of a greater joy in life than sharing life with a child. I know this is an odd start to a dare about honor but it was the best way to show my husband respect and honor.
My daughter is always testing the limits of our patience. She knows how to maneuver around us to get what she wants. Sometimes this backfires. Today she wanted to go have fun with some friends but she hadn’t been honest about homework. I immediately cancelled the fun and took her cell phone away. I told my husband as he was heading home what she had done but didn’t tell him I already punished her. Unfortunately, he came in and immediately let her have it.
She told her dad that I had already punished her. My husband was very upset he had given her double doses of what I had already given. I had to apologize for my error. I admitted to him that I had dishonored him by not consulting him before I took action. I told our daughter that Dad was the head of this house and my husband who I honor with obedience. I made a mistake by not giving him all the information he needed to deal with the situation. He was so impressed that I would point that out to our daughter. It may be an indirect way of showing honor but the message came through loud and clear.
My daughter is always testing the limits of our patience. She knows how to maneuver around us to get what she wants. Sometimes this backfires. Today she wanted to go have fun with some friends but she hadn’t been honest about homework. I immediately cancelled the fun and took her cell phone away. I told my husband as he was heading home what she had done but didn’t tell him I already punished her. Unfortunately, he came in and immediately let her have it.
She told her dad that I had already punished her. My husband was very upset he had given her double doses of what I had already given. I had to apologize for my error. I admitted to him that I had dishonored him by not consulting him before I took action. I told our daughter that Dad was the head of this house and my husband who I honor with obedience. I made a mistake by not giving him all the information he needed to deal with the situation. He was so impressed that I would point that out to our daughter. It may be an indirect way of showing honor but the message came through loud and clear.
Day #14 - Love takes delight
I have not been the best at keeping up with my blog. I apologize to anyone who’s following but it’s hard to fit it all in. We live such busy lives that it’s hard to think about passing on something productive to “have fun” but what a treat to do just that. I like focusing on my husband but I’m determined to get it all done.
We have work days at home where we plan to do projects that we’ve been putting off. In the back of my mind I wanted to get some of my honey-dos done but on this Saturday it was more important to help my husband than to work on my list. We spent most of the day trimming fruit trees. He wants my opinion before he starts whacking away at the branches. Not my idea of fun but I knew it was important to him. To my surprise it was nice to spend the time working on something together.
I discovered that sometimes all my husband really needs to be motivated is a little bit of help. We didn’t get it all done but that was all it took for him to continue the next day cleaning up the mess without me being right there. Everyone deserves encouragement
I also discovered that I like working with him on a project. It shouldn’t be difficult to arrange the next project together since I still have that honey-do list.
We have work days at home where we plan to do projects that we’ve been putting off. In the back of my mind I wanted to get some of my honey-dos done but on this Saturday it was more important to help my husband than to work on my list. We spent most of the day trimming fruit trees. He wants my opinion before he starts whacking away at the branches. Not my idea of fun but I knew it was important to him. To my surprise it was nice to spend the time working on something together.
I discovered that sometimes all my husband really needs to be motivated is a little bit of help. We didn’t get it all done but that was all it took for him to continue the next day cleaning up the mess without me being right there. Everyone deserves encouragement
I also discovered that I like working with him on a project. It shouldn’t be difficult to arrange the next project together since I still have that honey-do list.
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