Day #8 - Love is not jealous

Jealousy was something my husband and I struggled with when I worked for a major corporation. I constantly felt we were competing with each other over who had the most important job. It took a long time for me to figure out that I threatened my husband’s idea of who was head of the house.

I gave the situation over to God to help me sort out what I should do. The Lord answers prayer in ways we don’t always understand. My company sold and I was laid off! It was very hard on me because I liked to work and I had an impressive position. It wasn’t until recently that I figured out what God had planned for the two of us.

Was it hard to destroy the list of negative attributes? No way. It was easy when I remembered the past struggles and how God intervened. My husband was just told his job was eliminated but because of our love for each other we could share the news and make plans for how to survive the loss of his job. Fortunately, as usual, God has a way of taking care of us so my husband found out that he has another position waiting for him at the same company.

Day #7 - Love believes the best

I think this was one of the easier dares. Not because I got a chance to write down my husband's faults but because we had just had a conversation about each other's strengths. Most of the time we communicate very well but we ran into a road bump with our teen aged daughter. My husband had different ideas from mine at how to approach the problem. By looking at each other's strengths we were able to come up with a solution that worked for both of us. But that's another story.

I sat down with my two sheets of paper and started with the strengths. Before I was finished I had 8 strengths listed. It was easy and quick. Then I moved to the negatives. I think I wanted to start with the strengths so that I could remember them as I thought about the negatives. I came up with 5 negatives. Call me an optimist but I would rather concentrate on the positives.

My husband would not be surprised by anything I listed on the negatives but I am more curious what my husband would write about me. Doesn't really matter since we've talked about these issues before. Oh, by the way, I told my husband that I most thanked him for loving me.

Day #6 - Love is not irritable

I try to stuff too many things into too small a time. Because of too many projects I wait until the last minute to finish projects even though I may have plenty of time initially. I'm late most of the time and my family are the ones who suffer because of it. I get tired because I try to do too much. Most of my friends will stay they can't believe I'm finally admitting it.

Starting today I will plan better, take on less and make more time for my family. It's OK not to do everything anyone asks. It's OK to say no because I don't have time. It's as easy as scheduling free time like I do a doctor's appointment. I have started to prioritize my projects so I finish them two days before they're due. If I take the time to finish a project before I start the next one then I should be able to tell others that I don't have time for more. I look around my house and see too much. I'm cleaning out the excess and eliminating the things I don't use. My husband and I have been cleaning out our closets and I found clothes that still had the tags on them. Did I really need them to begin with?

It's actually liberating to decide I don't need all the material things. I can now think about sitting long enough to read a good book.

Day #5 - Love is not rude

I have always struggled with criticism. I get defensive and usually I get depressed. I was determined to do a better job this time at seeing it as an opportunity to learn something about myself and my husband. As hard as I tried I still had it in my mind what I was going to hear so it took me all day to finally ask the question.

I chose a time when my husband couldn't escape. We were in the car doing an errand. His first reaction was dread. "Why do you need to ask that question now!" My response was calm and non-threatening. "I'm just curious". He decided I wasn't going to come unglued so he proceeded. 1) Time management, waiting until the last minute to get things done or going places late is frustrating to him. 2) Communication, let him know when I'm struggling with something instead of waiting until I'm ready to explode. 3) Be healthier to help him lose weight. I can handle all of those.

I was so ready to hear that I didn't look my best or I was too critical but I was surprised at what truly mattered to him. These are things I can do and knowing it makes a difference to my husband makes it easier to do.

Day #4 - Love is thoughtful

Even though this dare was an easy one, I still learned some valuable things. We go constantly to get everything done but taking time for our spouse can be therapeutic. Sometimes its the little things that make a big impact. And the biggest one of all, my husband is thoughtful.

Since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I make a habit of asking my husband before he goes to work in the morning if I need to do anything for him. Sometimes he asks me to do something but most of the time he says I have enough to do which is true. Today, my husband said he wanted to help me since I've been so busy lately but I told him it was his turn and so I made an appointment to take the car in that he's been trying to do for weeks. It seemed so simple but he was delighted that I would choose to help him even when I'm busy.

It's not the doing errands or chores, but the act of making time for your spouse. It's the reassurance that we're in this together and partners. I don't think I'll say "what can I do for you" in the same light again.

Day #3 - Love is not selfish

I was surprised to read day 3. How do I give my husband a gift when he needs nothing and buys what he wants. A friend gave me a clue when she said "think outside the box". I did and got a gift myself.

It's that time of year when all the "big games" happen. Bowl games, playoffs, divisional, national champions, etc. It's usually a time of frustration because my husband wants to watch and the games never come at a convenient time. This year was different. What better gift to give than time. I marked every important game down on the calendar. I rearranged our schedule so that we didn't have any plans and had the snacks or meals ready to go. I even rearranged my daughter's schedule when I had a conflict. My husband watched every game, the entire game without interruption. I even took time to watch a few myself (surprised myself and my husband!).

Somehow we had a wonderful time without stress or frustration (except on the games). My husband kept saying thank you for thinking of me. I learned a valuable lesson about how we are too quick to put a dollar value on gifts. Some of the best don't cost a dime but are worth a million!

Day #2 - Love is kind

The first day was so stressful that I thought day 2 would be the same but somehow it was a pleasant surprise. The most difficult thing was to come up with something to do that was kind. Not that being kind is hard but to focus on being kind to your spouse requires some effort. We get so busy with everyday life that we forget the simple acts that mean so much. It took some time but I found the perfect way.

We were getting ready to leave town for a visit to family. The trip by car is very long so it becomes very stressful to my husband who doesn't travel well. It's always a rush to get everything done in time so that we're not leaving exhausted. We're always packing at the last minute which irritates my husband. This time I decided to be kind by packing the day before. It was such a small act but with big results.

Wow! He was so impressed that I did something just for him. I didn't even need to say anything, he figured it out on his own that I did it for him and no one else. It made the trip less stressful which gave us a chance to talk about a variety of subjects that we totally enjoyed.